


Nicholas and Nobody

by pbndgeli



Category: geliocs, neraphine
Genre: Cigarettes, Violence, i rlly dont know what to tag this stuff, my kids being kids, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:17:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6584791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pbndgeli/pseuds/pbndgeli





	Nicholas and Nobody

Lost.

 

Nobody?

That's okay. 

Nobody?

That's okay.

Nobody?

That's-

Nobody.

. . . 

Nobody.

Why?

Nobody. . .

Why won't anybody love me. 

 

Is it because my heart aches like a madman already in love?

Or is it because I breathe in chemicals that would make a test subject for nuclear chemists?

Maybe it's because my skin's been inked enough to turn me in as an art project.

Or it's because I'm never still enough for someone to remember my face.

Or it's because I'm just Nicholas Levi.

 

Lost?

 

They say angels have wings and harps and halos. 

So I was expecting that when I saw an angel but that wasn't what I saw.

Nobody told me that angels couldn't have wings and lift me higher up than anyone ever has.

Nobody told me angels couldn't have a halo and still be holding a smile that's brighter than that.

Nobody told me angels couldn't hold a harp and I'd hear music when they spoke.

Nobody told me she was an angel.

So I fell hard.

 

My heart was beating loud.

I ached with every breath.

My mouth gasped for the air in between the sweet kisses I thought I'd never feel.

 

She made me feel like something magnificent.

She made me feel like life was good.

 

Losing me.

 

Pretending I'm okay is getting hard.

Every beat aches and pounds inside me like a wild animal trying to burst out.

The nurses could ask if I came there often and I could say yes.

My pills would disappear before the clock even strikes three.

And she'd still be there. 

Making sure I'm actually okay.

 

Her soft touches soothed my heart.

Her sweet kisses numbed the pain.

Her angelic voice shooed my sorrows.

She made me feel like I was going to be okay, even though we both knew I wasn't. 

 

Kiss me like my tomorrow won't come.

 

Maybe if I kissed her enough, time would just stop and realize how much I wanted to stay with this person, then I could just stay kissing her and loving her because I really don't want to leave.

 

Losing Her

 

So it's kinda like that.

They said it was supposed to be like that.

That's how life is.

But I don't want it to be.

It's too late.

I lost her.

And I lost myself. 

 

I'm losing my own war.

 

It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before.

I've smoked cigarettes and inhaled chemicals that made me feel like i wouldn't wake up tomorrow.

But those didn't burn as bad.

I've been shot and felt my sanity bleed out of me.

But it still didn't make me scream as much.

I have chest pains that can range from feeling like a rough nudge to a stab to the chest.

But that still doesn't ache as horribly.

None of it hurts as much as losing her.

 

Finding me.

 

I didn't think it'd come back to this.

I shouldn't do this.

I didn't want to.

What would Bo think?

She'd want me to be good.

 

My camera sat upon the nightstand, holding back all the good memories for my sanity's sake.

Sunlight tried to flood my room but I pushed it out because it was uninvited.

I scowled at clear blue skies because they mocked me on what an eye-sore I've become. 

Birds sang songs about me, the man that never sung anymore.

My heart ached and my body trembled, as if it were laughing at how pathetic I became.

Grey skies cried with me.

One day, I opened up the windows holding up my camera and let the sun hug me, skies greet me, birds serenade me sweetly, and my heart beat hard because life is short.

Life is short so you have to live.


End file.
